Tonight I find myself in a quandary. I have two women, whom I love very much, seemingly on a precipice. One is trying to find strength enough to carry on, on her own. The other is young, and trying to find her way in the world.
My momma bear instincts have reared their ugly head, and I find myself unable to put these thoughts out of my head. Please bear with me. dear reader, while I work my feelings out.
My first concern is a woman, just 21 years of age, with a 4-year-old daughter... the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen (I may be a bit biased here, as she is my great-niece). Woman #1 did not make the best choices when she was in her late teens, and consequently spent some time searching for the father of my beautiful great-niece. Several disappointing tests later, she has finally found a DNA match. While disappointed that she had to try more than once to find the father, I left it to the Lord to sort out. Now I find myself confronted with a girl barely out of her teens who wants to throw all caution to the wind and give the (Lord help me but I can't help but use the term) sperm donor ALL rights to my great-niece in the way of changing her last name to his. In his defense, he is doing a very good job of trying to getting to know her from out of the blue after 4 years. Momma bear in me doesn't want him to have any way to take her away from her mother - last names can be everything in a case like this. Why can't I get woman #1 to understand that she DOESN'T need a man in her life to make her happy? SHE has to make herself happy FIRST.
My heart is so heavy, I"m afraid to even approach woman #2.
I will be unable to sleep if I do not unburden myself, and thus we come to woman #2. This one... I don't even know how to approach introducing you to. W#2 has fought many, MANY demons. She spent more than a year of her recent life paying for one fight with ONE of these demons.
Woman #2 has made some very bad decisions, and I truly believe that she is remorseful about the decisions she has made. At this point in time, she is very weak in spirit. This fact brings me to tears to write about. I know that she can take control of her life, and get it back on track. I myself have battled one of the demons she is facing. I have told her how I defeated that demon, and I truly hope she can defeat it the same way. The only way for her to overcome the things she faces is to accept that SHE and She alone is responsible for her own happiness. That fact is hard for most people to accept. I pray that she can come to that point.
Until then, I have a heavy heart. I know what thoughts and realizations it took to make me who I am today, I just don't know how to help THEM get there. These women are my family. I'm afraid my words and my love just won't be enough.