Friday, January 04, 2013

Quitting Smoking - Day 4

Wake up today with a full-on head cold, or allergies (not sure which yet). Sneezing like CRAZY (I just sneezed so hard I half-sneezed three times in rapid-fire succession. Yep, machine gun fire sneezes - I told you: CRAZY) Constantly blowing/wiping my nose. Took DayQuil and Cold-Eez, neither of which seem to have done anything. Poo.

Cravings still aren't too bad. Although, I have to admit I've "cheated" a little, taking one puff off of an old half-cigarette forgotten in an ash tray in the far reaches of the porch here and there today. Sue me: I don't feel good. The puffs on the cigarette didn't necessarily make me feel any better, but it made me a little less miserable, I guess.

So, I'm still not a "quitter," but I haven't bought any since Monday afternoon (morning, maybe), and I think in total I may have smoked 2 whole cigarettes. This ain't easy, man. At times I feel like a crack-head or something ("just one hit, man... "). Maybe I should take up smoking crack... I hear it's easier to quit (JUST KIDDING!!!!!)

Tomorrow is my 8th wedding anniversary, so I don't know if I will be here to keep you posted on my progress or not. If not, talk to you on Sunday!

Thursday, January 03, 2013

Quitting Smoking - Days 1-3

Monday night, around 11:30 pm, I put out my last cigarette. I wasn't feeling all that well, so I crushed up the pack with 3 cigarettes still in it, and tossed it in the recycling bin. Yep, I even posted a pic of the "last one" on Facebook.

Tuesday (DAY ONE), I got up thinking "I want to go out on the porch to smoke, but I won't." I felt pretty crummy anyway, so I just attributed the weird feeling in my chest to withdrawals. I sat curled up in my recliner, feeling crappy and wanting a cigarette. Bill make his second-annual New Year's Day thanksgiving feast which looked and smelled amazing. By the time dinner was ready, I was feeling worse, but still attributed it to withdrawal/cravings. So I fixed myself my normal small plate of dinner. I ate most of it, but left some (gasp!) mashed potatoes on my plate. An hour or so later, I went to take my contacts out, and all at once felt REALLY bad. So, I grab the thermometer, and lo and behold, I have a 101° fever. Lovely. Downstairs I go, break the news to Bill, and head up to bed. Grab a second comforter, turn on the tv, and try to get warm. An hour later, fever is up to 102° - Bill runs to the drugstore and picks up some NyQuil for me... I sleep for a few hours at a time.

Wednesday (DAY 2), I wake up after "napping" all night. Weird high-fever-dreams keep me from getting any real sleep, and my back starts to hurt from being in bed for 18 hours. Still feeling awful, but with just a hint of a fever, I get up and make my way downstairs. I recognize the instinct to go out on the porch to smoke, but ignore it because I just don't feel well. At this point, I'm not sure if I'm really craving nicotine, or just feel like crap from the flu/cold I have. Watch tv/movies from the couch all day, make a pot of turkey & noodle soup with the broth Bill made from the turkey carcass. Eat a bowl of said soup, put the rest in the freezer, go back to bed.

Thursday (DAY THREE). Wake up feeling 99%. I'm glad I was sick the past two days. ( hear those are the hardest ones.) I consider buying a pack of the cheapest (and therefore nastiest) cigarettes they have at the gas station. Just so there's one there, if I feel like I want just one drag to take the edge off. Then I consider buying a "loosie" (some places sell single cigarettes) for the same reason. I just buy a Dr.Pepper and go home. Up to this point, I haven't felt a NEED to smoke... just a strong WANT to. We'll see how this goes.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Getting "Old"

Just a short-but-sweet post...

Getting old isn't for wimps.

I now need the assistance of "reading" glasses to not only read printed documents, but also to read print on my computer screen, AND see ANY kind of detail in anything small I hold in my hand.


Saturday, September 18, 2010

Words of Wisdom?

Tonight I find myself in a quandary. I have two women, whom I love very much, seemingly on a precipice. One is trying to find strength enough to carry on, on her own. The other is young, and trying to find her way in the world.

My momma bear instincts have reared their ugly head, and I find myself unable to put these thoughts out of my head. Please bear with me. dear reader, while I work my feelings out.

My first concern is a woman, just 21 years of age, with a 4-year-old daughter... the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen (I may be a bit biased here, as she is my great-niece). Woman #1 did not make the best choices when she was in her late teens, and consequently spent some time searching for the father of my beautiful great-niece. Several disappointing tests later, she has finally found a DNA match. While disappointed that she had to try more than once to find the father, I left it to the Lord to sort out. Now I find myself confronted with a girl barely out of her teens who wants to throw all caution to the wind and give the (Lord help me but I can't help but use the term) sperm donor ALL rights to my great-niece in the way of changing her last name to his. In his defense, he is doing a very good job of trying to getting to know her from out of the blue after 4 years. Momma bear in me doesn't want him to have any way to take her away from her mother - last names can be everything in a case like this. Why can't I get woman #1 to understand that she DOESN'T need a man in her life to make her happy? SHE has to make herself happy FIRST.

My heart is so heavy, I"m afraid to even approach woman #2.

I will be unable to sleep if I do not unburden myself, and thus we come to woman #2. This one... I don't even know how to approach introducing you to. W#2 has fought many, MANY demons. She spent more than a year of her recent life paying for one fight with ONE of these demons.

Woman #2 has made some very bad decisions, and I truly believe that she is remorseful about the decisions she has made. At this point in time, she is very weak in spirit. This fact brings me to tears to write about. I know that she can take control of her life, and get it back on track. I myself have battled one of the demons she is facing. I have told her how I defeated that demon, and I truly hope she can defeat it the same way. The only way for her to overcome the things she faces is to accept that SHE and She alone is responsible for her own happiness. That fact is hard for most people to accept. I pray that she can come to that point.

Until then, I have a heavy heart. I know what thoughts and realizations it took to make me who I am today, I just don't know how to help THEM get there. These women are my family. I'm afraid my words and my love just won't be enough.